OBSERVATION
"Think positive." "It could be worse." “Carpe Diem.”
I can be negative. Like, a lot. I can be a dooms-dayer, a pessimist, a cynic, self depreciating, insecure, etc. Granted our government is headed to hell in a handbasket. And if you aren’t paying attention to the state of our environment and resources, tension in the Middle East and Africa, the increasing gap between the rich and poor, and insurance and pharmaceutical companies (and banks) greed, then I need to be doing what you are doing! (Excuse me while I trip while stepping over my soap box…I digress.)
It seems that my default setting is being negative. Flashes of some Mary Poppins-esque character skipping down the street singing about how I better think positive or I'll turn into a troll or something often comes to mind. I can't be fun to be around at times. Ok, lately? Most of the time. I hear the words come out. I feel the brow begin to furrow. My back tenses and my stomach churns. My skin gets hot and I can tell my face is getting red. People I am talking to start to shift from one leg to the other or look around; tell tale signs they want to get out of the conversation. Friends are too busy to meet up (I’m sure there is truth to that) and coworkers don't invite me to lunch. It is hard to admit this, but times are a gettin' tough here!
It seems to take a lot of energy to be so negative all the time. Because that negativity is then internalized so I feel there is something wrong with me which affects my relationships (can we say, vicious cycle?). Not to mention the havoc is puts on my body by not being able to sleep or being grumpy or emotionally eating. My son will probably learn to hide his chocolate milk when mommy is in "one of her moods."
I don't want to be so negative, but I don't want to be naive either. Being too bright-eyed and bushy tailed can blind you from seeing the circling hawk! So, like most things in life, how do you find the balance?
RESEARCH
Researching this was fun! There are about a gazillion books, articles, and websites on how to think positive. From the spiritual to the cognitive to the absurd. You can think positive at work, at home, as a youth, as a woman, in the shower, in the car, while sleeping and while on your iPhone. You can be positive in seven steps, 10 steps, 30 days, today, tomorrow, and forever.
An article in Scientific American purports that smiling can make you happier. There is a whole practice called, “Laughter Yoga,” which states that laughter improves the immune system which makes you happier. A study conducted by California Institute of Technology looked at the effects of positive and negative thinking through brain scanning. Participants were given a task; one group was told they were doing well, the other was told they were doing poorly. The results indicate that the posterior parietal cortex region of the brain lit up based on how well the participants thought they were doing and NOT whether they were actually successful in the task. A study conducted by New York University, also looking at brain patterns using MRIs, focused on the amygdale region. The results preliminarily showed that pessimism and depression go hand in hand, which means there is a malfunction in the neural pathway. More research is suggested, however, to determine if there are physiological issues in the emotional sensing areas of the brain OR whether the patient’s bleak outlook of the future is a factor (chicken or the egg, people…chicken. or. the. egg.)
But not everyone is on the positive-thinking-is-key bandwagon. There is a book called, “Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America,” by Barbara Ehrenreich. Ehrenriech, an acitivist, feminist, breast cancer survivor with a PhD in cellular immunology, writes that one shouldn’t always be upbeat or so ready to “move on.” She argues that positive thinking is a very individualistic ideology (i.e., self-satisifaction) that can have very negative consequences. “Thinking positive” never cured anything or won wars. “Thinking positive” doesn’t entitle one to get everything they ask for. "Thinking positive" can blind you from reality. Food for thought, huh?
HYPOTHESIS
If I think positively, then it will simplify my life.
EXPERIMENT
Ironically, I am not sure how to do this or if it will work! If it were as simple as just thinking positive, the field of psychology would cease to exist, we’d have never heard of the “Self Help Revolution,” pharmaceutical companies may actually have souls, and millions of pieces of art, literature, music, etc. would never have been created! So, I think I will approach it like this: I will look at the three main facets of my life. My job. My home life (includes husband and kids). My self-image. I will start out slow because nothing makes me quicker to jump on the ole cynical train like failing to meet a goal. For this experiment I will use various techniques to help me stay positive such as: deep breaths, taking a walk, listening to music, self talk, exercise, hugs/smiles/kisses (preferably used at home only!), looking at pictures of my children, counting before I speak, biting my tongue (figuratively and literally), etc. I will dedicate one full separate day (baby steps to no-more-self-depreciation or bleakness) to each facet and report my findings below.
RESULTS
Work. I have tried to start this experiment several times! Maybe next week will be the day! (3/10/12)
Home. I started here because it seemed the easiest! My husband is amazing and usually pretty calm, so that helps. Monday (2/27/12), I woke up ready to be positive. Lack of sleep? No problem. Nagging 7lbs of pregnancy weight? Who cares! Dirtsy dishes, dirty laundry, toys on the floor, 3.5 year old not wanting to go to put on shies or, "shirts without pictures on them," finding a few minutes to sit and enjoy my 4.5 month old, realizing I forgot to kiss my husband, "good morning," not being able to find my make-up, AHHHHH! BUT, I actually stopped this obessive thought process and stepped back. I did a little self talking, forced myself to take a few deep breaths, closed my eyes and smiled. I put the dishes down and kissed my husband, chased and tickled my son and made silly faces while snuggling with my daughter. I made sure to do the same thing after work.
Self-image. Like work, I have tried to have a positive self image! If 16 years of therapy haven't helped, I'm not sure this experiment will (there I go being negative Nancy!). As a result of failing on this one, I am starting EXPERIMENT 4 tomorrow. 3/10/12
DISCUSSION
COMING SOON!!
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