EXPERIMENT 3: Positivity

OBSERVATION

"Think positive."   "It could be worse."   “Carpe Diem.”

I can be negative. Like, a lot. I can be a dooms-dayer, a pessimist, a cynic, self depreciating, insecure, etc. Granted our government is headed to hell in a handbasket. And if you aren’t paying attention to the state of our environment and resources, tension in the Middle East and Africa, the increasing gap between the rich and poor, and insurance and pharmaceutical companies (and banks) greed, then I need to be doing what you are doing! (Excuse me while I trip while stepping over my soap box…I digress.)

It seems that my default setting is being negative. Flashes of some Mary Poppins-esque character skipping down the street singing about how I better think positive or I'll turn into a troll or something often comes to mind. I can't be fun to be around at times. Ok, lately? Most of the time. I hear the words come out. I feel the brow begin to furrow. My back tenses and my stomach churns. My skin gets hot and I can tell my face is getting red. People I am talking to start to shift from one leg to the other or look around; tell tale signs they want to get out of the conversation. Friends are too busy to meet up (I’m sure there is truth to that) and coworkers don't invite me to lunch. It is hard to admit this, but times are a gettin' tough here!

It seems to take a lot of energy to be so negative all the time. Because that negativity is then internalized so I feel there is something wrong with me which affects my relationships (can we say, vicious cycle?). Not to mention the havoc is puts on my body by not being able to sleep or being grumpy or emotionally eating. My son will probably learn to hide his chocolate milk when mommy is in "one of her moods." 

I don't want to be so negative, but I don't want to be naive either. Being too bright-eyed and bushy tailed can blind you from seeing the circling hawk! So, like most things in life, how do you find the balance?

RESEARCH

Researching this was fun! There are about a gazillion books, articles, and websites on how to think positive. From the spiritual to the cognitive to the absurd. You can think positive at work, at home, as a youth, as a woman, in the shower, in the car, while sleeping and while on your iPhone. You can be positive in seven steps, 10 steps, 30 days, today, tomorrow, and forever.

An article in Scientific American purports that smiling can make you happier.  There is a whole practice called, “Laughter Yoga,” which states that laughter improves the immune system which makes you happier. A study conducted by California Institute of Technology looked at the effects of positive and negative thinking through brain scanning.  Participants were given a task; one group was told they were doing well, the other was told they were doing poorly. The results indicate that the posterior parietal cortex region of the brain lit up based on how well the participants thought they were doing and NOT whether they were actually successful in the task. A study conducted by New York University, also looking at brain patterns using MRIs, focused on the amygdale region. The results preliminarily showed that pessimism and depression go hand in hand, which means there is a malfunction in the neural pathway. More research is suggested, however, to determine if there are physiological issues in the emotional sensing areas of the brain OR whether the patient’s bleak outlook of the future is a factor (chicken or the egg, people…chicken. or. the. egg.)

But not everyone is on the positive-thinking-is-key bandwagon. There is a book called, “Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America,” by Barbara Ehrenreich. Ehrenriech, an acitivist, feminist, breast cancer survivor with a PhD in cellular immunology, writes that one shouldn’t always be upbeat or so ready to “move on.” She argues that positive thinking is a very individualistic ideology (i.e., self-satisifaction) that can have very negative consequences. “Thinking positive” never cured anything or won wars. “Thinking positive” doesn’t entitle one to get everything they ask for. "Thinking positive" can blind you from reality. Food for thought, huh?

HYPOTHESIS

If I think positively, then it will simplify my life. 

EXPERIMENT

Ironically, I am not sure how to do this or if it will work! If it were as simple as just thinking positive, the field of psychology would cease to exist, we’d have never heard of the “Self Help Revolution,” pharmaceutical companies may actually have souls, and millions of pieces of art, literature, music, etc. would never have been created! So, I think I will approach it like this: I will look at the three main facets of my life. My job. My home life (includes husband and kids). My self-image. I will start out slow because nothing makes me quicker to jump on the ole cynical train like failing to meet a goal. For this experiment I will use various techniques to help me stay positive such as: deep breaths, taking a walk, listening to music, self talk, exercise, hugs/smiles/kisses (preferably used at home only!), looking at pictures of my children, counting before I speak, biting my tongue (figuratively and literally), etc. I will dedicate one full separate day (baby steps to no-more-self-depreciation or bleakness) to each facet and report my findings below. 

RESULTS

Work. I have tried to start this experiment several times! Maybe next week will be the day! (3/10/12)

Home. I started here because it seemed the easiest! My husband is amazing and usually pretty calm, so that helps. Monday (2/27/12), I woke up ready to be positive. Lack of sleep? No problem. Nagging 7lbs of pregnancy weight? Who cares! Dirtsy dishes, dirty laundry, toys on the floor, 3.5 year old not wanting to go to put on shies or, "shirts without pictures on them," finding a few minutes to sit and enjoy my 4.5 month old, realizing I forgot to kiss my husband, "good morning," not being able to find my make-up, AHHHHH! BUT, I actually stopped this obessive thought process and stepped back. I did a little self talking, forced myself to take a few deep breaths, closed my eyes and smiled. I put the dishes down and kissed my husband, chased and tickled my son and made silly faces while snuggling with my daughter. I made sure to do the same thing after work.

Self-image. Like work, I have tried to have a positive self image! If 16 years of therapy haven't helped, I'm not sure this experiment will (there I go being negative Nancy!). As a result of failing on this one, I am starting EXPERIMENT 4 tomorrow. 3/10/12

DISCUSSION

COMING SOON!!

EXPERIMENT 2: Facebook

OBSERVATION

Sticking with the technology theme for now (I will revisit this later, too), facebook has become overwhelming and a bit stressful. The new timelines, status updates, tags, check-ins, private groups, games, ads, pokes... I have 209 friends, belong to 10 groups, like 45 pages, and have 15 photo albums with 234 pictures. I can't possibly keep up with all my 'friends.' (Which we all know doesn't mean they really are my friends!) I feel like I am missing important social events and can't give people the attention I want. Let's face it, we live in a technological age. You can sink or swim! Yes, writing a letter or actually calling a person is ideal, but my hand cramps after three sentences, my spelling is atrocious (yes, I was corrected on the spelling of that) thanks to spellcheck and autocorrect, and I never have a quiet moment with two kids and a full time job to talk more than a few minutes on the phone.

I love being able to archive my pictures and do use other services such as Picasa and Photobucket. But I'm realizing more and more how unsafe posting pictures can be. Some bereaved mothers groups I belong to have reported pictures of their children being stolen by 'trolls.' These sick people say awful things about these precious babies no longer here and the poor grieving mothers. It is awful. Plus I don't feel safe having my children's pictures available for anyone to look at or copy!

A facebook blackout is nice to do every once in a while, but then I find myself trying to catch up. So, I think the better option is to make some changes. I do realize this is a free service that I can opt out of and that no one is forcing me to be a part of it, but it does make keeping up with those I love extremely easy!

RESEARCH

Google "facebook addiction statistics". Or better yet, go to Google Scholar and type in "facebook and self image." Wow. Just wow. Articles discuss narcissism, self promotion, a need to 'belong', superficial relationships, hyper-sexuality (think girl taking her picture, holding her phone in front of a mirror, in some skimpy outfit or suggestive pose...duckface anyone?), lack of privacy or need to make everything public (do I need to know you have 'checked-in' at the post office?), civic engagement, political participation, and on and on and on! 

An article in European Psychiatry in 2010, looked at the case of a 24 year old woman who was spending five hours a day on facebook. They concluded that, in her situation, that the addiction was an "urge-driven disorder" with a strong compulsive component. Facebook was interfering with her life and daily functions, just like an alcohol or drug addiction would. You can read more about social networking and addictions here. 

So how many facebook members are there? (By the way, there is a facebook page for this question with over 900 likes!) According to an article on Digital Buzz, as of 2011, there are 500 million users, that is approximately 1 in every 13 people ON EARTH! I'm sure that doesn't count the pages by someone's kids or dog or multiple political, celebrity, and athlete pages. 

Like me, 200 million people check their facebook page from their phone, and 40% of 18-34 year olds check their accounts before getting out of bed. Guilty as charged. Approximately 700 BILLION minutes a month are spent on facebook. 

HYPOTHESIS

If I organize my facebook page, then it will simplify my life. 

EXPERIMENT

I will spend one day organizing my facebook page by deleting 'friends' I rarely communicate with, 'disliking' pages I never visit, leaving groups I don't participate in, and organizing my photos while placing viewing restrictions on certain albums. And I will post as my status asking those who have tagged pictures of my children to remove the tags for privacy and safety reasons. After a week I will check and then will remove them myself!

RESULTS

After spending a total of seven hours over four days, I now have 177 friends, belong to 9 groups, like 44 pages, and have 12 photo albums and 165 pictures. All my 'friends' are seperated into various categories such as: friends, family, the schools I attended, my profession, etc.  I untagged several pictures, but have lots more to go. Of course this doesn't remove the picture itself. I did send an email to family asking that they check their privacy settings and remove tags of the kids. I posted twice asking friends to untag pictures and to check their security settings if they have pictures of my children. I don't think one person untagged us! (A commentor on FB warned me of this.)

3/9/12 - After I did this experiment, I started thinking more and more about my FB usage. I have started to cut back to about 10-15 minutes a day. At first I felt bad that I had missed status updates, especially if a friend needed support or had a sick relative. But, I had to step back and think about what was important to me, which is my family! So, I'll continue to limit my FB time along with all the other people currently giving it up completely for Lint...which says something, doesn't it?

DISCUSSION

Do I feel my life has been simplified? Yes and no. My self-worth isn't tied to my facebook page...I think. But I do love to share funny stories, participate in civil debates and social justice, and show off my adorable children. Who doesn't like a few "likes" or comments?? I am not willing to drop off the grid, but do admire those that have no interest in facebook. But I don't feel I am addicted (famous last words?). Cleaning out my friend's list was actually a little stressful. I worried I would offend people. What if I needed to communicate with that person in the future and they shut me out because we were no longer 'friends?' The people I am friends with for professional reasons may come in handy in the future although I am on LinkedIn, so I keep them around. My 15 year high school reunion is coming up and, if I all of a sudden decide to attend, will people look at me with a knowing eye (in the voice of some Dicken's character, "Yooooouuuuu deleted me from faaaacccceeeebbbbooookkkk!"). 

On the plus side I do feel better about my pictures and group participation. I am not as overwhelmed when checking status updates because the list is not as daunting. I like that my pictures are archived and organized. Changing up my security settings so certain groups can view certain information or pictures makes me feel a little safer (false security much?). 

So I wouldn't say that my life has been simplified because I organized and cleaned out my facebook page. Not being ON facebook would probably do that. Maybe I should have focused my experiment on the amount of time I spend on facebook, which is probably a total 45 minutes over an entire day; five minutes here, ten there--primarily when I have been rocking my daughter to sleep and she's in that twilight stage. But I'm not willing to delete my account, so maybe I am an addict. Maybe I should work on limiting how often I hit the blue and white 'f' on my phone...but it is oh-so-easy! 

Participating in this experiment did teach me a little lesson about what and who I value; the good and bad. I've joined groups that attempt social change or support other grieving mothers. But ultimately I didn't 'like' the conclusion I came to. Granted I check my page during lunch and during breaks at work, but I also do it at home. Those precious minutes should be spent with my children. As a working mother, five minutes to read a book or play superheros with my son or make faces, sing or say "goo, goo" to my daughter are priceless. This experiment should have focused on that. I know I will from now on.  

Now to make this new post my facebook status...

EXPERIMENT 1: Email

OBSERVATION

It’s not that I spend a lot of time on personal email. And of course I have to use email at work; it is now considered an official document after all. But what I noticed is that checking my email has become a daunting task. I get notifications, coupons, pleas for donations, requests for political/social action, and notifications from lots of businesses spouting sales, discounts, and free shipping (Oh My!).  It's so overwhelming!

While sitting in the doctor’s office Monday, I started to check email from my smart phone, which, by the way, makes email checking uber convenient. While it was checking for new mail from my (gasp) three separate accounts, I noticed that my gmail account had 5,617 emails! I have used 2,273MB of my 7,675MB (or 29%) account capacity since joining in 2007. What was SO important in these emails that I had to keep them? I'm guessing it was more about laziness than a deep desire to keep everything anyone has ever sent me!  (My other two accounts are not bad at all. One is for stores, coupons, etc. and I delete almost every email that comes to it. And the other is for my other blog. So for this experiment we will focus on my main gmail account.)

RESEARCH

According to the Radicati Group, Inc., 1.9 million people used email worldwide in 2010! A study by Harris Interactive in 2010, stated that workers can efficiently handle up to 50 emails a day before meeting their threshold. And a study conducted by Donna McCluskey in Evaluating Electronic Commerce Acceptance with the Technology Acceptance Model (Information Technology and Organizations: Trends, Issues, Challenges and Solutions, Volume 1, 2003), reported that the average person spends 4.2hrs on email a day. That is just personal use! 

HYPOTHESIS

These are going to be no-brainers since the purpose of this blog is to simplify my life!

If I organize my email account, then it will simplify my life. 

EXPERIMENT

Every night before bed (or while sitting in a waiting room or bathroom – you know we all play on our phones in there!), I will delete emails first by using the search function. Words such as “Facebook,” “Amazon” and “sale” should keep me busy for a while. After that no longer provides deletable emails (yeah, I know I just made up a word), I will start with the oldest emails and work my way to the most recent. I will create folders for important documents or items I want to keep such as: pictures, addresses, tax information, important documents, etc. And I will unsubscribe to marketing emails.

RESULTS

February 13, 2012 - After two weeks, I have deleted 3,113 emails and unsubscribed to 12 companies/organizations. Some how I have now used 2,282MB of my now 7,679MB of space? I don't know how it grew! I have created five folders and labeled several emails already (addresses, taxes, work, house, and one for my duaghter who passed).

DISCUSSION

Honestly? I don't feel that different. Most email providers have a search function, so I can easily look for addresses or tax information. Trying to unsubscribe from some of these companies is like trying to get a tour of the White House! Provide your social security number, drivers license, past and present addresses, occupation, reason for being in DC, reason for wanting to visit the White House, a letter from one of your state representatives...and we will then let you know if there is room!

I was redirected to several pages, asked why I was unsubscribing, asked if I was SURE I wanted to unsubscribe, asked specifically which topic I was unsubscribing from ("you don't want to receive emails about maternity clothes, but what about emails from our partners?"), etc. No. No. No! Oh, and there was the one company that I had to unsubscribe from three times and the other that never gave me the option!

So, do I think that clearing out and organizing my emails has simplified my life? It may mean a little less clutter and I may have decreased my megabyte-y impact, but I don't feel that my life is more simple. But I do think it was a good exercise in determining what is necessary and what I hold on to "just in case."